Spewing ACDC riffs, blues standards & free jazz The Nothing briefly reformed at Intellectually Handicapped Studios East for a performance for an elite group of music fans. Muff’s drum sound was perfected when the one mic the bone-idle engineer had allowed him for the drums fell off the stand and rolled under the kit. Ron’s guitar sound had finally been perfected with the discovery of Jim Dunlop 2″ picks which finally gave him that elusive tone he had been seeking, finally. Biff’s Ibanez bass scoured the room like a rutting warthog. Christofur’s jangly squeaks & squeals summoned forth all his demons and joy mingled together like so much mingled belly-button fluff, and reminded everyone of the “Dunedin sound” (finally available as a ProTools Plug-In for EU$195 from ‘wheresmyfamegoneandwhydoesnooneknowwhoiamanymore.org.com.nz’ – expander pack comes with Poor Management, Inability to Stop, and 90dB Bannister Detector)

It was all captured by yours truly, Ray Martini, on my trusty Porta-Tape Analogue Replicating Cassette Plug-In Tape Analogue Tube Vintage TEAC 412/PC Series 3b 1″ Ultra-Tape 35 Track as used by The Beatles for the backwards snare sound on Drive My Car. It was all trapped in glorious mono (’less width more depth’ was my slogan goddamit!) and I will soon use every processing digit of ProTools to edit out all signs of life.

It was great to see the boys back together after all Cynthia’s trials of the past 6 months. He was rewaxed and ployful for the entire weakend afterwards.The charges against him being the real talent of the band seem to be subsiding and a basic form of humidity is emerging.

Ron, however, was still the perfectionist, demanding micro-tonal changes to Muff’s drums – he had actually arranged for a drum-tech to be flown in from LA to tune the 20 piece Gretsch kit that Warners had hired for the occasion, but her flight was diverted due to Imelda Marcos deciding she had been snubbed enough times already. Muff & Ron fought bitterly over the upcoming plan for Ron’s solo blues album, tenatively titled ‘Greyphis’, after Ron’s belief that Grey Lynn is the new Memphis, & that he is John Lee Hooker’s lovechild (which, Muff delighted in pointing out, simply couldn’t be true genetically speaking as Ron was “as white as man”).

Muff was looking clean, lean, mean & wholly gluten-free. His year of astral travel in the ashram at Portland Oregan had almost robbed him of the will to play rock drums as he had discovered his art was of hasidic and aboriginal roots and Boom Chak was a far cry from the unfettered artiness of being arty. He had decided to detune his lifestyle to a drop B# tuning that was post-rock but in a highly musical way.

Time has however not been so kind to Biff. His time off hard drugs has left him oddly personable – which none of us could stand. His upcoming weeding to a Greek supermodel seems like avoidance behaviour and we’re hoping to see him juiced to the eyeballs again soon. Still worse he has contracted an incurable advertising condition and will be on our screeds soon.

For me personally it was a great moment & all the intervening years of fame & turmoil seemed to melt away and once again I was just ol’ Ray the tape op & the lads tousled my hair and offered me chip butties & cups of tea just like in the old days.

Peas & Loaf,

Ray

The moors rustled with the deep pulsing of the wind. The moon gave a surreal icey-blue glaze to the heather.  The lone Knox wandered the grassy knolls, nose twitching, for new prey. Shadows of the limping, leering, lunging  Knox swept over the heather in patches of dark. The slow ’schllllffff-thunk, schllllfff-thunk’ of his gait would warn all but the most unsuspecting of creatures of his approach. The tiny paneer-mouse (recently imported on the whim of a drunken Botswanan on the firm, but misguided, belief that its fur, dried, crushed & strained into a tea, would cure his gout) however had not had its ears cleaned recently at the Hearing Association in Remuera, and therefore its hearing was not as acute as it could have been.

The Knox spied his prey, and with the four-prongs of his barely used (and therefore almost sterile) walking stick pinned the four legs of the paneer-mouse to the ground – thus ensuring a minimum of damage to its delicious non-vegetarian flesh. He threw himself on his victim & with his rather well kept teeth ripped the fur (which was in fact totally useless for anything at all) off the screaming animal & threw its tiny carcass, still writhing in agony, into the local microwave to curry for tea (with some left-over rice to provide carbs).

Replete, the Knox lay to briefly shuffle no more as slumber engulfed the weary denizen of the night – his nostrils still twitched with the thrill of the kill & his grey bristle was smeared with the paneer-mouse’s remnants, which hung in the moon-light as a terrible warning to other paneer-mice of the unpleasant fate that awaits those that choose to turn a deaf ear.

Moaning All – Chris turned a torn in two & brown 57 yesterday (despite Paul) & last note there was a gathering of fiends, faminily and even museumusician-types to wish him weller (despite Paul).

Wrongs were wrung, bakes was beaten, pressies were presciented (thanks heaps to Chris Mousdale for organising the Beatles remasticated monotone settee that we’ve pre-cooked at Real Groovy).

His Knoxiness had an irate rhyme of hits – partially enjoying mousing versions of The Monkees’ ‘Getting Older’,  The Clean’s ‘I’m a Believer’ & Badfinger’s ‘I’m So Tired’ (despite Paul).

…. and in the end, the love you make is equal to the cakes you bake (despite Paul)

Hi All – I spent Saturday hanging out with Chris. We watched a film from 1931 called ‘A Free Soul’ with Clark Gable of all people – good fun. Then we were in for a real treat when Graham Reid & Chris Caddick (thanks guys) brought round a promo sampler of the new Beatle remasters – we were very impressed -  brighter sure, cleaner yup, but also more vibrant as if less compressed, by the time we got to ‘I’ve Got A Feeling’ I was a quivering wreck & snapping at anyone who ventured toward the stereo controls (sorry Liesha). It’s hard to read Chris at times but he seemed happy about what he was hearing, and kept holding up 4 fingers which we took to mean 4-out-of-five. Now the awful question of whether to buy the mono or stereo versions ………..  of course it should be mono … but then the way they’ve released them means you don’t get all the albums so you kinda need both sets …… arrgggghhh.

Chris was bright & engaged all weekend although he’s managed to communicate t us that he isn’t sleeping well so we need to sort out some medication for him. He’s starting to dispense with his walking stick for longer periods which is good to see as long as he doesn’t have a fall. In the last two days a few friends have noticed more words coming back to him which is very encouraging, although I gotta say Friday was a bit rough for me as I missed my friend as he used to be.

Hi All – We had a neat night last night with the launch of the new New Artland series and an art auction fund-raiser for the Stroke Foundation of New Zealand. In excess of $40,000 dollars was raised so a big round of applause goes to Russell, Gemma & Cathy for organising the event. Thanks to all the artists who contributed work, and thanks to Sean, Paul, and Will for the music. My own thanks to Sam and Selena for helping out with the PA and lights. Thanks to everyone else for singing happy birthday to me!

Poor Chris has been laid out with a filthy cold this week. Monday was particularly rough on him – coughing & spluttering and delivering foul specimens to the world from the dank abyss that his lungs had become. However he’s been improving & he wanted to come to the launch last night, but the decision was made that he was still too unwell to attend.

Curses to the person that bid $300 on the Beatle mono box-set thus removing it from my clutches!

Hiya – I’ve had a neat last few days as more tracks for ‘Stroke’ arrive at my office. Me and a coupla friends had a listen through all the tracks I’ve received so far &, yup, it’s gunna be a goodie. One track in particular has really floored me … but I couldn’t possibly say which one now could I ….. that would be unfair.

Hopefully I’ll get all the remaining tracks in the next few weeks and then we’re into production.

Chris is doing well. Words are still difficult but walking is improving all the time. He does get very tired at times & we’re learning to read those moments to try and avoid him getting into trouble. Still lots of singing going on – in fact when he’s bored Chris does a sort of Beatle-esque scat be-bop thing and occasionally he looks at me in the expectation that I recognise a certain tune, there’s one in particular he keeps hitting me with …. but I’ve no idea. …. sounds kinda like an Italian opera to me!

We’ve been talking about finishing the Tall Dwarfs album that we were just about to complete before Chris’ stroke. Chris’s melodic sense is still intact & we think we can see a way it could work.

All the best

Rik